Book of sorrows
by Castage
Summary: I have walked this through this galaxy for millennia. I have tried to change the history countless times, but each time I failed. But finally, I found someone who will succeed, where I failed. (self-insert).


Let me tell you a story.

It starts with... my death.

 _The smoke was everywhere. The doors wouldn't open. No matter how much I tried, they wouldn't open. I couldn't breath. The door wouldn't open. I fell on my knees. I couldn't see, the smoke- I can't breath. The door-_

After 3 decades, my life ended...

But, as you might suspect, it was not my end.

 _I awoke and started _coughing_. Tears welled in my eyes.  
I-I made it? How?  
I looked around. I was outside, surrounded by trees.  
How had I found myself in forest?  
I looked up and froze... because there were two moons in the sky._

I awoke on planet Tython, as I learned later.

After few days, I found a city - and I can tell you, I was, as they say, not in Kansas anymore. There were aliens walking around the streets, droids maintaining various devices and ships flying into space. I knew some species from stories that I read, movies that I watched... Yes, I was definitely not home anymore.

And I... I had nothing, but the clothes on my back. I knew nothing, not the language, nor the customs.

So I had done the only thing that I could to survive – I became a beggar. I scavenged the trash, begged for money – just to find food, to survive another day. No one wanted to give me a job – after all, I knew nothing.

Until I met him.

 _I sat in the street with a cup, for credits.  
The 'locals' were wary of me, the new guy. I got the worst places to scavenge and beg. Hundreds of days have passed since I came here. Everyday, it was struggle to survive.  
Someone stood before me, it took me a minute to notice that he didn't drop any credit into my cup – he was just standing there.  
I looked up, straight on to a face of an old human male.  
He said something – I couldn't understand what. So I kept looking at him dumbly in hope that he would leave. When someone was talking to me, I usually ended up beaten or robbed... quite often both.  
Then he crouched before me and said a word pointing at me, one word that I understood.  
'Work'_

His name was Claler Wolsodle. A man to whom I will be forever grateful too. He took me in, gave me a job and taught me the language. Never in my life have I met a man so genuinely good. The work on his farm was hard – even with droids. I started with basic physical work. When I knew Basic well enough, he taught me about crops, droids and their maintenance and the world that I now lived on.

Years passed.

Six years after becoming a farmer, we had a visitor.

 _The woman looked at me and smiled.  
'I was searching for you.' She walked up to me 'And I finally found you. There is no reason to be alarmed. The force guided me to you, with a purpose. Would you like to be my student?'_

Her name was Dylree Caldelli – my first master. A Woman of great wisdom and my mentor. A Je'daii.  
Not a Jedi, but the Je'daii. The predecessor of both the Jedi and Sith. How far in the 'past' was I?

I agreed to be her student.

She thought me about the force.

I know what you are thinking. THE FORCE - how cool is that!

No, it's not.

Yes, force makes you stronger than your average sentient being. It allows you to preform incredible feats, even immortality.  
But, in hindsight, it changes nothing.  
You still have to breath, you still need to eat. Even if you bypass this needs, and with force – you can – to stars, to galaxies – you are nothing but a speck of dust.  
So, the best thing you can do, is to live your life.

That's what I thought then...

But I wander off the point.

Dylree thought me about the force.

 _There is no ignorance; there is knowledge.  
There is no fear; there is power.  
I am the heart of the Force.  
I am the revealing fire of light.  
I am the mystery of darkness  
In balance with chaos and harmony,  
Immortal in the Force._

She taught me about the need for balance, to not to lose yourself to dark side of force... or to light side of the force.

Yes, you can fall to the light side of the force as you can to the dark side. What you might misunderstand about the force, is that the light side does not equal good and the dark side does not equal evil. They are more like chaos and order.

No, that's not s good enough explanation.

The dark side is constant movement, change, adaptation, while the light side is stillness, lack of change, a constance.

Falling to the dark side, is a path of self-destruction... adaptation... fights to become stronger. A path of change.

Falling to the light side, is a path of tranquillity, a path of forfeiting any change in order to preserve the status quo... even for the price of progress. A path of stagnation.

Both paths are dangerous, that's why it's important to keep a balance between them.

That's what Dylree thought me.

I spent years studying. I was neither exceptional, neither weak. I was just... average.

After reaching my fourth decade, I married my mentor. We spent decades together. A normal life as scholars. We had two children. We grew old. She died at the age of 82. I followed her two years later.

 _I lied on my bed.  
'Father...'  
I looked at them... my children.  
'I... lived a full life. In my last moments I'm surrounded by my family. I couldn't wish for better death.'  
I looked at their faces, burned them into my memory. My son, my daughter.  
'Shagri, Ximeemi. Live full lives. I don't want to see you on the other side, in a long... long time.'  
I smiled.  
'It's time for me.'  
I closed my eyes. I could feel my body was failing. I have lasted long enough. It's finally time. I couldn't help but smile. It was a good life._

...

But... it was not to be.

 _I opened my eyes. I'm not dead?  
I sit and look around.  
Where am I?  
I don't recognize this place. After looking around I found a bathroom. And in bathroom's mirror a reflection, that was not my own._

I awakened in a body that was not my own, in a species that was not my own, of a gender that was not my own. I awakened in a body of freshly deceased Rakata... with all knowledge and abilities of my past lives.

So I lived again as a Can'su, a female Rakata craftswoman.

...and I died again.

But I didn't end with this death... or with next death - with any of next deaths.

I lived through millennia, possessing bodies of freshly deceased beings, time and time again.  
I witnessed the Rakatan Invasion of the Tython system.  
I saw the reformation of Je'daii during Force Wars.  
I took part in Unification Wars.  
I witnessed First and Second Great Schisms. Events where both light-side and dark-side extremists pushed the moderates into extinction.  
I met the greatest minds of the Republic and Jedi.  
I worked for the most incredible Sith, discovering the secrets of the force.

When Marka Ragnos died, for the first time I tried to change history as I knew it. I staked my claim to rule the Sith empire.

I failed... miserably.

Sith lost Great the Hyperspace War... and the Jedi... the Republic... they killed every man, woman and child of Sith they could find. They exterminated entire civilization.

The genocide of Sith.

Only a few survived.

I tried, time and time again to change the flow of history. I managed to change a few details... a minor events, but the major ones? I always failed to change them.

With Revan... With Exile...

I was active during the Great Galactic War, mostly on the Sith's side. I like to think that I managed to lessen the number of victims... If you think that Jedi didn't massacre civilians in this conflict, I'm sorry to disappoint you. Both sides were equally bloodthirsty. Entire planets were decimated by both sides – often you could find actions of Sith tame, in comparison to that of Jedi... and I'm saying this knowing exactly how insane Sith can be.

After millennia, the time finally came.

I faced Bane, during the moment of his treason. He styled himself a Sith'ari, a reformer of Sith... a god. In my eyes, he sought power by ultimate control... his philosophy... extermination of the Brotherhood of Darkness... it was just to allow him to control all. He wouldn't see anyone else but himself as a ruler.

So I challenged him... and I failed. The Bane's Sith were established.

Two hundred years have passed since.

Something has changed...

This time, for the first time in twenty-four thousand years, I – again – was in my original, thirty years old, body.

And for the first time in millennia, I hope-

* * *

 **The Kaas city.**

Once a lively metropolis, now a ruins taken over by the jungle.

So many memories.  
Here, in this city... and elsewhere.

 _'I was looking forward to this meeting, Revan.'  
'Darth Malak! But how? Revan killed you!'  
'That he did, dear Bastila.' I couldn't help but smile.'That he did.'  
'...You're not him. Neither Malak, nor Alek. Just a spirit that took over his body.'  
'That I did Revan,' I unclipped my lighsaber. 'I came here to test you.'  
A crimson blade came to life.  
'Because, I wonder...'_

The shift in the force.

I raised my head and held my breath. Could it be?

There!

I turned in the direction the force was pointing me to. It is here, finally here. After four years of waiting and preparations, the force was finally calling to me, guiding me with clarity I have never experienced.

I closed my eyes and let the force wash over me. I wasn't imaging it.

I took deep breath and opened my eyes. It's time.

I jumped down, letting the force cushion my landing. I got on speeder and started it.

* * *

After few hours I stopped at my destination – a freshly crashed freighter.

I got off and slowly walked around it. I couldn't feel any life signs inside. The ship was 'opened' – so I let myself in. Inside I found three dead bodies, covered with blankets. I knelled to check them. First, was a red skinned female Zeltron. So were the second and the third. All are wearing the same face. Clones or triplets. Maybe Echani hybrids... I saw stranger things in the past.

I felt force tugging me again, this time more urgent.

I got up and walked to the exit, walking through the door-

* * *

 _I walked through the door just after she died. I waited until she made peace with her student, I didn't want to intrude... heh.  
I could see woman kneeling over her, she haven't sensed me yet.  
'She always had the gift of the gab.' the woman spun around to face me, lightsaber in her hand. Smart girl. 'Sometimes, she just didn't know when to shut up. A real tattle, she was.' I chuckled.  
'Master Vash?'  
I laughed. It's always so amusing - the look on their faces - when they see a dead person walking again.  
'No, but I will give you a hint. I am Master of the one you killed just now.'  
'Kreia's master- you... Darth Sorrow.'  
My grin must've resembled that of the shark.  
'Welcome, Exile.'_

* * *

I felt through the force three sapient beings and an animal attacking five sapient beings – two were wounded, one on verge of collapsing. Force was clear on it's instructions – I was to save one of this five.

I accelerated the speeder.

I set the speed to maximum and charged at my enemies. I jumped of speeder allowing it to continue as a makeshift missile - I doubt, that it will be anything more than a distraction. The moment my feet touched the ground, I speed up forwards the 'five'.

With Force Speed, it took me but a moment to close the gap between me and the animal that was about to crush two humanoids. The moment I was next to it, I cut it's - a Gundark's – legs. As the animal fell forward I allowed it to impale it's head on my blade.

With the immediate danger gone, I looked around.

Covered in mud and lying on his face was unconscious male human. He was the one who the force called me here for.

The other four were Zeltron females – all looking the same as the ones in the ship. Two were dead, one wounded and unconscious, one holding the male, protectively.

I turned and took a look at three before me.

A common looking male human, a green skinned female Twi'lek (why majority of force using females of this species walk around half naked – I will never understand. Was it genetics? Still, it's a nice view for the eyes) and an overweight Zabrak male covered in tattoos (also half naked... and not so nice for the eyes... not nice at all).

I can only imagine what they are thinking. A Sith warrior of old, clad in full eradicator armour with red bladed curved lightsaber interrupted their fun.

They are dark side users.

There were quite a few of them left on Dromund Kaas after destruction of Brotherhood of Darkness. Unlike what Jedi and Bane would like to believe, one battle didn't wipe out all of the Sith. The disorganized remnants still roamed the planet. However, now, the remnants either joined the Dark Force or were killed. There was no united front against the movement and Darth Millennial was probably the strongest Sith on the planet.

In the end, it mattered little who they were.

The conflict was inevitable.

I deactivated my lightsaber, switched it to my offhand and raised it to the height of Zabrak's heart in reverse grip.

And then I'm gone.

A quick-step. A force power that allows a burst of high speed (that could be mistaken for teleportation) movement. Very draining, very risky, but good ace to use once in combat.

I appeared behind the Zabrak.

"Wha-!"

I activated the blade and it pierced his heart.

One down.

I let the Force flow through my body, temporary strengthening me, and then I grabed hilt of my lightsaber with both hands and with all of my might striked the human. He managed to block me. I grabbed the hilt of his lightsaber and held it. As he tried to wretch it, I spun, still holding the hilt of his lightsaber. He didn't even notice the danger until my blade pierced his back. I could feel his shock and surprise in force, as he faded away.

Two down.

Too easy... apprentices?

I rolled back, barely dodging the Twi'lek's blade. She cut through the human that I was impaling to get to me.

Her relentless assault pushed me onto the defence. I had to keep backing up, while at the same time blocking her onslaught. She was skilled, efficient, deadly. She would make a fine warrior during the war... or apprentice.

A pity that it would not come to be.

I swatted away her blade and swung mine with intention to cut her in half. She fell on her knees allowing my blade to pass above her. I spun around swatting her blade away as she tried to impale me. Then the force screamed to me - too late I noticed the second blade.

So I blocked the blade with my free hand coated in force. In my defence I will say that I didn't really think when I acted, my body moved on its own.

Nevertheless it worked. I've done exactly the same as Satele Shan had done during her fight with Darth Malgus... and I couldn't hold it for long. My opponent on the other hand, was content with just pushing her blade and trying to screw me. Her face had that vicious smile that told me that she knew exactly how screw I was about to be.

But she focused too much on her advantage – mistakes of the youth or battle crazy Sith, I would guess – and left herself unguarded.

I kicked her between her legs.

She screamed in pain and started backing up, bent in half. It must've hurt a lot.

Too late.

With one swing I cut off her dominant hand. She screamed again, but managed to block my next swing. I attacked her not really bothering with style – she was desperately trying to defend herself. Weakened, wounded, with a short lightsaber and using her off-hand – she still managed to defend herself. I could admire that.

17 strokes. That is how long she lasted.

With the eighteenth stroke, I cut off her remaining hand... and impaled her right after. I could see her face as she expired, I could feel her emotions.

 _Anger  
Confusion  
Realization  
Denial  
Fear_

 _Nothing_

I allowed her body to fall on the ground.

I looked at her.

After all this time... it was still not easy to take a life, of an enemy with a 'face'. I didn't know wheter to consider it a curse or a blessing...

I shook my head and turned to my target.

I walked to him, stopping only when the Zeltron shielding him aimed her blaster at me. I looked at her for a moment. I deactivated my lightsaber and clipped it to my belt. Her blaster had not lowered even an inch. Smart girl.

"I have a place where your... companions can be healed. I offer my aid."

She didn't say anything but seemed to be contemplating my offer.

"Alternatively I can leave you to your own devices."

* * *

The Zeltron didn't say a word, only agreeing to my offer by nodding. She also didn't leave the side of the man, even for a moment. Not even allowing me to touch him.

That's alright. I could wait. I have practice.

Travelling to my base took us 6 hours – fortunately the dark-siders had some speeders of their own... and didn't need them anymore. I took them as well as their lightsabers. Never know when they can come in handy.

I was using an old military outpost as my base of operations. It wasn't big, but well equipped.

When we finally arrived, I took my Zeltron companion to the medical room. I pointed her to bacta tanks, and told her how to put her companions inside, so the fluid can heal them.

I myself had other things to do.

Check the defences, check the speeders for any tracking devices, check the equipment of dark-siders whom I killed, check the ship and make sure that it's ready for flight at moment's notice, prepare the food, have droid take food to my guest...

It took me a whole day to check all of this, but everything was in order.

Finally, after making my runs, I entered medical laboratory. The woman was sleeping... at the feet of the bacta tank that the male was floating in.

Now I had a chance to finally take a closer look at my guest.

Skinny male with jet black hair and a scar on his forehead - a lightning bolt shaped scar... and a very distinctive tattoo on his right hand.

As if feeling my presence, he opened his eyes... two startlingly green eyes.

Hello, Harry Potter.


End file.
